Well, good morning and welcome back to another podcast of Struggling Well, or as Susan We would say it could be afternoon, it could be evening,
it could be.
It could be, but we're recording in the mornings. That's why I said that way.
let's talk about how do we get to the place, Suzi, where we react in certain ways that need to need some basis or explanation of where did it all come from?
Funny you should ask that because it's been something that I have been thinking about and we talked about a little bit. I have a good friend named Melissa Myers, and for those of you in the area where we live, you might know her. she works with an organization called Enrust, a wonderful organization, which, look it up and you'll learn all sorts of interesting things about Enrust. And years ago, she came up with this idea of using a grid, an actual grid, like taking a 8 by11 piece of paper, making a big square, and then making nine squares on that and filling each square with what she would say in regard to our past events. Events, people, situations, phrases, or words that impacted you to the degree that they changed the trajectory that you were on, good or bad. And it's hard to narrow it down, but when you think of your past and you think about words that you heard over and over again, or maybe you had a death in your family that changed the your trajectory. That's a hard word to say, by the way. to keep track of those items and to understand that those things that happen in our life, good or bad, somewhat inform us about our lives. they become influences that impart some information about our past that influences our present and our future. For instance, maybe there was a Maybe when you were in high school, there was a particular kid that just sought you out and bullied you to death. So what happens is when you look through the grid and you see that bullying that occurred even when you were a kid, we'll go that far back. It may be that then you become this person that waits and watches and prepares for people like that so that you won't experience that again. You don't want to repeat it again. maybe you came from an abusive background and you know that the abuse in your background, whether it was verbal or any other kind. It changed you at some point where you just went a different way. Maybe somebody told you over and over again that you weren't very smart. So, you had been intending on going to a, you know, a very good college and then you believed that about yourself. So, it gave you some information whether it was right or wrong and you made a decision not to go to that school because you didn't think you were smart enough. what are some other areas, babe?
Well, I think it's the impact of people that voices not and sometimes maybe it's voices from a parent or an older sibling that caused you to react and caused you to believe things that weren't true about yourself, but it changed how you viewed yourself so that those voices still as an adult come ringing back in situations. It may not even be that person any longer. It may be just it hearkens you back to a time where you remember that because it deeply imprinted it's deeply imprinted in your mind.
Okay. Let me ask you a question. You grew up in an area in New Jersey where within one square mile there were at a time there were 21 millionaires. You went to school with these kids whose parents were millionaires. how did that influence you?
Well, yeah, I think it did influence me because I didn't have that. We were a small Bible college community. that was nestled into this town. and so what it caused in me was I was never going to let somebody stop me from doing what I needed to do. I was never going to feel on the outside, never feel like I wasn't enough. And so it impacted decisions like how I spent money, how I ignored certain things. and it gave me this real sense of a chip on my shoulder that, I was never going to be told I wasn't enough.
So you weren't going to ever look like you didn't have enough. Right. Exactly. And so, you know, it impacted and it wasn't until years into my adult life that I think I realized that there was that moment the grid to use that word that we've been using that had influenced me as an adult
and it was years before that obviously when it happened.
Well, I have similar not being in an affluent society but for whatever reason my parents you know did the best they could with what they knew, but they didn't have the capacity to encourage me to ever try anything new. So, you think, well, that's no big deal. Get over yourself. Well, what I ended up having to do was if I wanted to try something new, I did it on my own. But it also kept me from thinking I could try something new because what was hovering in the back of my mind was, well, what if I fail? And so, even something that minute sits on your grid. you take, you know, maybe you had a death of a brother or, you know, your parents divorced or something and those events and then the phrases and words that you heard. Maybe if you put them in those nine boxes and you realize that often times you make decisions today or you see the world today through that grid. If you like we go back to the bully, let's say you were bullied in whatever, high school, junior high, I don't know what. So then if you see through that grid, then you look at people that have authority over you or that seem to be stronger than you and you have this thing, this ache, this place in your heart that pops up and it gives you some information about us. It gives us and you said earlier, I think some insight about who we are or what why we do what we do. I know for myself it's been helpful to know some of what happened in my past, not to stay there and sit around in that I think it's important to understand your background because it definitely informs us about ourselves. But what ends up happening is we stay with that information and we let it actually form us into a person. and the struggle then becomes not letting that be the defining moments of our life, but letting something else define us.
Well, and that's where I was going to head with this, too, is the idea that those things do shape us. There's no doubt about it. How do we struggle against letting them define us? Cuz there's a difference between something that influence or something that shapes and something that defines.
True.
So, I want to I want to think through what keeps us from allowing those moments to define us as a Christ follower.
Well, we're not going to tie this up with a little bow. that's not our purpose in talking about struggling well week after week because life is not like that. But one of the things that should define us that should be real and solid is that when we accepted Christ whenever that is we became a new human a new person a new create creation in God's eyes and so all those past grids in a perfect situation should fade away because we're being defined instead by what God says about us.
Yeah. And I think that's where the struggle comes in is that to use more different words, it's the flesh versus the spirit. So, we have the Holy Spirit living in us and we can talk about what all that looks like, but the flesh is also there, too. I've been redeemed, but I still live in a body that's fallen and broken. And so, the battle then becomes much more internal in my mind to say, am I going to be controlled by the spirit or am I going to be controlled by my flesh? And I think there's where that whole issue of not letting those past events define me. I can't ignore them. They're there,
but I've got to let something else define me. And that I believe should be the spirit of God.
And you would think that especially the negative things that would show up on our grid that we would not want them to cling to us, that we would want to be rid of them. It's not knowing Christ is not some magic bullet. But we have to understand that when he died on the cross for our sins, past, present, and future. he wiped us clean and so we can be defined by what he says we are. He calls us his beloved. He sings over us. He loves us every day. He reaches his right righteous right hand to us. Nothing can separate us from him. And yet that, like you said, the battle with the flesh is really strong because there are times when those stories from our past the way that somebody spoke about us, the ways that we fa failed. Maybe you had a colossal fail growing up or as an adult and so now you live with that colossal fail in front of you and it keeps you from doing what you could do next that God is calling you to.
Yeah. And so what we would encourage you to do is if you've never done this is sit down and think of those moments, those events, those people that change the trajectory of your life. Write them down. Think about them and then look at it and say, "Okay, but who am I today in the power of Christ and the power part of the spirit of God that can acknowledge those things and not let them define us.
Hebrews comes to me. Get rid of the weight that so easily
entangles.
Entangles. Thank you. Easily entangles us so you can run.
Yeah. Good thoughts. Hope you'll take some time and think about it this week.