Welcome back again for another podcast of Struggling Well. And as we come to you this week, we I want to talk about something that we've experienced quite a bit in life and I'm sure that we're not alone in that and that is this the lack of curiosity that people have about one another.
we love conversation to center around the pronouns me, mine, my, I
and I don't and I don't think a lot of people can get beyond that point. And so therefore there's not a lot of curiosity. Oh, we'll ask a question. of somebody when we see them, how are you? And we're hoping or expecting or probably programmed that they're going to respond, I'm fine or I'm okay, and we leave it there. We don't ask that follow-up question because truth is, we're really not that curious about their life.
How many times have you walk down a hallway or someplace and you see somebody and you go, "Hey." And they say, "Fine." I'm like, "Wait, wait. I didn't even ask you anything yet, but they're already we're already all program to say fine.
Right. And again, there's a certain part of that I guess is just part of the culture. But I also think it comes with the idea that I really don't have an interest in what's going on in your life. I want to tell you about my life and what's going on in my life.
What is that phrase? enough about me. What do you think about me?
Yeah, it's that same idea. And so, and there probably are many different reasons why people are not curious. some is they just aren't they aren't they're self-centered and they want to talk about their life, but they're not really all that interested in anybody else's. But there are also other reasons like maybe they're just at a place that they can't do it. They're uses this phrase, they're drowning. And so we've asked Tim Briggs, who's here every week anyway, to pop in on this one and kind of relay some of those thoughts from things he's experienced and just share some thoughts with us. So Tim, it's all yours.
Yeah, thanks for having me on. Hopefully I'm not hijacking the episode here.
If you are, we'll fire you.
No pressure.
There's lots of people like you around. I'm sure.
That's true. That's true. No pressure. yeah, I think about apart from Christ in our flesh. We're kind of prone to just think about ourselves and we enter into a conversation going, "What can I get out of this? What do I need? How can I extract that from this person?
How can I use them as a tool? bolster myself. But in Christ, of course, we don't have to think that way. And we have the power through the Holy Spirit to think more in terms of what can I bring to a conversation? What do I what can I give in a conversation? How can I pour out myself to someone? But you know, we were talking before the episode. so sometimes people are not curious because they are they're being selfish. Sometimes they're not curious because they are drowning and life has hit them hard and they're just trying to survive that fight or flight instinct is kicking in
and they see you and they're just
they're pulling on to you and they're saying I need help and you're in front of me and so help me help me.
And so but there is hopefully enough self-awareness in us that we know even in our lowest points that we still have something to give.
Yeah.
And it's not just all about us.
You know, I think that I think it's important that we ask the second question. I mean, even if you're in a bad place, it doesn't take but a second to ask the second question. So, I if you're sitting across from somebody and they may be in a terrible place, but you say, "How are you?" And they go, "Well, you know, I'm terrible." Or I'm fine or whatever it is. don't just leave it there. Ask the second question which is okay if you're fine tell me about fine. What is that like? And unfortunately for most of us we have not allowed enough margin in our lives to ask the second question. Even if you're out to lunch with somebody and you've allocated an hour to have lunch with them, that next question about, hey, tell me what that means that you're fine, what's going on in your world or things are terri There's a part of it that's like I can't go there. It's too much. I just want to have lunch with you. Just want to check in. You're doing okay. I'm doing okay. Let's go. And I know for my own life, when somebody asks the second question, whatever that may be, that allows me an opportunity to go there if I want to. Now, not everybody does. but I think the when I look in scripture and I look at how Jesus interacted with people, he asked the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth. He kept asking questions of people to where and of course, you know, the most the one that comes to my mind the most is the woman at the well, you know, asking her a benign question like, "Give me something to drink." But he went from there and kept asking questions and then it those questions changed her life because he pointed her to something. Maybe that's another thing. We're not sure where we're pointing people. I don't know.
Yeah. I don't know. I just think that it's I want to see you for who you are. Not who you project to the world perhaps, but I want you to see you for who you are. And Jesus was a master at not only asking questions, but taking the conversation and leading it in a direction that allowed him to get across what he wanted them to hear and what he wanted them to see and understand about himself. in the chapter before, the one you talked about, the woman at the well, it's with Nicodemus. So Nicodemus is this learned Pharisee and as Jesus is talking with him, he says things to him
that prompt Nicodemus then to ask questions. like when Jesus says, "You have to be born again." Well, how can I a full grown man enter into my mother's womb a second time? And so he rather than rebuking Nicodemus, rather than going, "Come on, you should be smarter than that. You should know what I'm talking about." He allows Nicodemus in the conversation to continue to go down a path that Jesus wants to take it down. I don't know that we feel any sense that those conversations could happen in just normal everyday life, but we're in such a big hurry to get to what we want to get out of the conversation. Sometimes we just don't take the time to be curious.
Yeah, that's interesting. I'm also think about the Jesus' interaction with the rich young ruler and the guy is all I'm going to follow you. I'm going to follow you. And then Jesus says to him, you know, in order to follow me, you're going to have to say goodbye to everything. And it wasn't as much a question as much as he was stating the next thing. and in that case, the rich young ruler went away sad. So our conversations, our curiosity is not just to get I don't need the salacious details of someone's life, but if everything matters, if words are eternal, if what we do matters then whether you're the drown the drownie or the one who's the seen as a rescuer I don't know we do it does matter what we say and how we say it Tim does that make sense or
yeah I think so I was thinking about as you guys were talking Philippians 2 so if there's any encouragement in Christ any comfort from love any participation in the spirit any affection and sympathy complete my joy by being of the same mind,
having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant
than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. And I think about Sunday mornings as a pastor is a battle for me. I don't know if it was for you, Jimmy. I don't know if it was for you, Suzi. There's a lot that goes on in my mind and my heart. And one of the things I have all these prompts, these things I pray on the way to church. And not because I'm super spiritual, but because I'm super needy and weak. But one of the things I pray is that Lord, help me be open to serving someone today and being served.
Help me be open to ministering to someone today and being ministered to. Help me see people today and let myself be seen. And the only way that you're able to do that, I think, is having the humility that comes ultimately from Jesus. And you're saying, I'm not the center of the universe.
and pe other people's stories are just as important as my story and my struggle. And so,
I don't know, you guys ever wrestle with that or
Yeah, I think that's I think the verses from Philippians that you just read, Tim, are so much what is ne necessary to do the things that we're talking about of asking the second question and being interested in somebody else's life. it's so easy for me to want to tell the story of my life cuz it's a I love the story of what God's done in my life, but to be able to come into a conversation with somebody and set that aside to put the interests of somebody else ahead of my own interest, that is a challenge. And to me it's u Philippians is a great portion of God's word where that is spelled out clearly to have this attitude in you that was in Christ Jesus cuz he set aside far more than I ever will set aside
and was curious about my life and can I respond to other people with that same kind of curiosity that goes beyond it's all about me.
Tim, you said something that just kind of triggered something in my mind and that is I think of the years of being a pastor's wife and you know I didn't know what that meant. So I was a complete goober as a pastor's wife but I felt like I had to I wanted everybody to feel good and I didn't want people to leave the church and so I would find myself you know trying to engage someone. But what triggered me what you just said is I don't know how well I allowed people to minister to me. because I had this thing that I wanted everybody to be happy at Church at Charlotte. I didn't want anybody to look poorly on Jimmy or any of the staff. And so, I had to make them feel good. And while I was definitely curious about their lives, I think that I used that in a way to, to have like a very socially acceptable barrier. I'm going to come at you. and so maybe some of those lunches that I had, maybe some of those interactions when I was a pastor's wife, I didn't allow somebody to come towards me and minister to me.
And I think that's an essential part, which I'm glad you brought Philippians up because
Yeah.
Yeah. And so I think what we have to realize is it again, we all can point to times in our lives where we see God in those big events, but what I hope you hear when you hear all this is normal everyday life. We're talking about this for you as you talked about this is an every Sunday thing when you head to steadfast to pastor people and what that means and what that looks like and we're not talking about big momentous occasions those we understand I think and those we see more clearly we're talking about everyday life things like being curious about another person about asking another question about being willing to answer questions people ask of you those things are important, significant things to walk in a manner that's worthy of the gospel.
And so our hope and our prayer is that you see everyday life as important.
Can I just mention something? You know, I'm going to anyway, whether you give me permission or not, but recently we've gotten some emails and texts and we got a beautiful email from a woman who if you're out there I we will respond. Just give us a little grace. But it was a beautifully written letter and she really shared her heart about her ministering at her church and she poured out some of her heart, but I also felt an invitation for Jimmy and I to speak some of our heart and maybe that's why it's taken me a little bit longer to answer her. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.
I know exactly what you're talking about and I do think that There's a need at times to give thought to how you're going to respond to somebody too. Some of this we're talking about is in that moment conversations and how I respond and those are everyday realities. But then there are times when something comes your way that requires some thought and we live in such an instant world that if we don't respond right away, we're it's seen in a negative way.
Yeah.
Does that make sense?
It does. So I'm thinking and working on it. So, sweet friend, sweet sister in Christ. hang in there. You'll get a response before I die.
All right, Tim. Thanks for joining us this week and thank you all for listening to another episode of Struggling Well.